I never expected anyone to take care of me, but in my wildest dreams and juvenile yearnings, I wanted the house with the picket fence from June Allyson movies. I knew that was yearning like one yearns to fly.
I got my very own white fence yesterday, it really is just a garden fence to hold up some flowers but who is really counting. Over the past week I have done a lot of life reflection and this is what I came up with.
- The house with a picket fence and house is a joke for most people. It is a struggle to survive everyday, some are just way better them most to cope with this.
- Why are more people depressed (me included) then ever before in the world? Maybe everyone always was depressed but no one talked about it. Maybe it is the food we eat that changed are hormones. Maybe we are all big babies.
- Why can’t I let go of the past? Is it because the past seemed so much better.
Letting go of the past for me is one of the thee most difficult things I face everyday. When I feel like I am moving on something bring me right back to that place. For example I cleaned my office out and came across a photo album I forgot I even had and did not know what was in it.
I came across pictures of my ex and myself. Now I have been single for 10 years now and maybe that is why it is hard to get over the past, but as soon as I saw this one picture it took me back like it was just a week ago. I remembered the love I had for her (even though she never believed me). I remembered proposing to her, the kisses, and even the make out sections. I even remembered the sneaking into her house to sleep with her (really just sleeping). God I miss her so much I thought and then I start to cry. How much I want that again, how much I want to have someone to spend my life with. How much I wanted to have the white fence and house with her.
I know I can still find some else, it can still happen I am only 30 right?! I am to picky in what I am looking for, does my depression hold me back, how about fear? What ever it is I need to let go and be happy and let go of the past. The White Fence and house can still happen for me and it begins today!